I anxiously paced back and forth; my gaze fixed on the driveway. Finally, her car slipped into view and it seemed like my heart skipped a few beats.
Once inside the safety of our home, she fell into my arms and let pieces of her heart tumble onto the kitchen floor.
I wanted desperately to gather up the pieces and put them back into place. To make her pain miraculously vanish like my kiss on her scraped knee once did.
But that day all I could do was let my tears mingle with hers.
Have you ever been frustrated with God?
I was that day. I had prayed and prayed for victory over a rigorous exam only a fraction of her nursing school class passed. An exam mired in controversy and cheating that would require multiple re-takes.
I wanted Him to step into her struggle and fix it because I, Supermom, could not.
So I questioned God. I told Him I didn’t see how any of this was for her good and His glory. Or why she wasn’t being rewarded for passing up carefree nights with friends in exchange for long hours slumped over textbooks.
I pleaded with Him for proof (yes, I was that bold and that desperate). I wanted assurance He was in this battle with her and that she would prevail.
Then one day, as I fasted through yet another exam, He led me to 1 John 5:14-15.
“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have what we asked of Him”. Emphasis mine.
With that one truth, He coaxed me out onto the ledge of faith and trust.
And so with only a mustard seed of faith, I stepped aside and handed my momma reins to Him. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done.
Out on the ledge I lingered on that truth and let His wisdom marinate in my heart a while.
God’s word prompted me to switch things up a bit. To align my prayers with His will AND pray with the expectation I already had what I was asking for.
So while I prayed for Him to punish the cheaters and redeem the cheated. To take away her tears and grace her with a victory. He had something far greater in mind. I just needed to get out of the way.
With this new perspective, I stayed faithful in prayer and fasting, but I prayed His words instead of mine. And I expected Him to blindside us with a glimpse of His glory.
Prayers on the Ledge of Faith and Trust
I prayed for growth in this trial, hers and mine. James 1:2
That He would give her what He wants her to have, not what she or I think she should have. Matthew 6:8
For peace in this struggle. John 16:33
I prayed that she would be drawn to God for strength; not to me or even to herself. Psalm 46:1
That we would hold on to His power and let go of ours. 2 Corinthians 12:9
And I prayed all these prayers with an expectant heart. A heart full of assurance that I already had what I asked for (hashtag deep faith).
Was it scary? Heck, yes!
I was a single mom the majority of the time I was raising my kids. A non-Christian single mom. And let’s be honest, a lukewarm Christian in the beginning. So I was steeped in the habit of relying solely on myself when messy seemed to find its way into my kids’ worlds.
I rushed to fix their hurts and to be their provider. And of course, we are called to do those things as parents.
But that day, in that struggle, He took me to a sweet place of surrender. Giving me the assurance I could fully trust Him with the precious child He placed in my care.
Assurance that what I had been asking for was already mine. I can’t tell you what peace that gave me.
To pray expectantly means we have to step aside and let God be God.
In the end, my daughter passed all her exams and classes. She passed her state boards on her first attempt. And just because I think God likes to show-off a little sometimes, He lined up her dream job for her – an RN at a world-renowned children’s hospital.
As for me?
Perched on that ledge I got to watch the Creator of the Universe move in the messy of my child’s life.
A vantage point that highlighted how in the midst of her pain, fear, and frustration, He was actually pulling her to Him. Holding her tight in His grip. Helping her trust Him in the trials just a little bit more.
I had a front-row seat as He walked her through the fire and brought her out on the other side of the flames victoriously. A gift I would have missed had I continued to hold tight to my momma-reins.
I must be honest here, it wasn’t easy to watch. But motherhood is a painful privilege.
Mary watched Jesus arrive in the world as her beautiful baby boy, but she also watched Him die on a cross. And just as she saw Him come out victoriously as the savior of the world, I also got to see my child walk in His victory.
Through that trial and triumph, He let me experience amazing. And today my mustard seed is just a little bit bigger.
I’m not sure what fire your child, loved one, or perhaps even you might be walking through right now. Or perhaps you’re waiting for what seems like unanswered prayers. Please let me encourage your heart.
God is with them and He is with you. His timing is perfect and He does have a purpose. Take the leap if you feel God nudge you out on the ledge and allow Him to do what He does best – be God!
Be assured, everything works out when we let God work it out.
So whether you’re in the fire or watching someone you love go through the flames, there is a treasure in the trial. Our job is to stay faithful in prayer and persevere while He does all the heavy lifting.
And maybe, just maybe, we’ll get a glimpse of His glory.
Ponder and Practice
A Truth: “In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.” Psalm 5:3
A Song: Thy Will Be Done by Hillary Scott & the Scott Family
A Read: Trusting God by Jerry Bridges
A Prayer: Oh God, you are amazing! Thank you for leading us out on the ledge of faith. You are trustworthy to see us through, to calm our fears, and to grow our faith. Help us trust you more and more each day and in every trial. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Pam, It was so good to have you back at #MomentsofHope this week! You have been missed ♥ I loved the opportunity to stop by here for some reminders, challenges, and HOPE!
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
Hi Lori, it was so nice of you to feature me. Thank you for your support and kindness!🌷
I too have felt this sort of pain as a mother and it’s so humbling and reassuring to let Him take over! Thank you so much for this article Pam. It reminded me of God’s promise and how quickly we want to control things instead of allowing Him to be in control! Thank you for the supporting scripture as well and allowing me to enter into that personal space of healing and faith with you. Love you my sister and am blessed by this work and journey our Father has you on!
Aw, thanks for the kind and supporting words. You always bless me with your words. 💟
Excellent post, Pam. As a single dad, this post hits close to home. We see our children go through so many trials and tests on their way up. The pain feels like double theirs to us as parents. But time and time again, and praise God, it is in those tough, dark moments that we draw closer to Him, take to our knees on their behalf in prayer, and can start to see his light, only In that darkness.
In raising my child. no matter what the trial, time and time again, the Lord shines his face…he comes through. God placed our children are in our care and in our hands. But as children of God we are nested in Christ in a lineage of both children and parents. We in Christ the Son and he in the Father and that is love, behind the love, behind the love. Far more love for our child than we can give alone. God bless you, thank you for this post..it was uplifting. Greetings to my sisters in Christ at the group
Hi Javier! Well said; you should blog. You know all too well the peaks and valleys of parenthood. Glad this was uplifting for you. We need to get together soon, my friend.
Oh you are so right – being a mother is a painful privilege. your post is such a good reminder to let God be God… and trust Him that it will all work out. Blessings to you We are neighbors today at #Faith&Friends
PS.. if you are looking for another place to link to on Thursday’s I would love if you would consider joining my new linkup #TuneInThursday – it opens Thursday 3am PST and runs through Sunday night. you can find it at debbiekitterman.com/blog (Please feel free to delete the link if you think it inappropriate).
Hi Debbie! So glad you dropped by. I will check it out. I’m always looking to link up with others. Blessings to you in your journey!
This was such a good post. I think we’ve all been there! Glad I came over from Crystal Storm’s linkup today.