I sat at the computer; my eyes fixed on the screen. The words I’d written stared back at me with such stark reality my heart began to race.
As my fingers lie motionless on the keyboard I pondered the outcome. Do I really want to do this? What if someone I know sees this? Should I use an anonymous name? What will people think of me?
With the click of a mouse, it was done. And there was no way to undo it. I took off part of my mask. Right there, in public, for the masses on the internet to see.
Finding Freedom From the Past
When God nudged me to write, my first thought was, write what. “I have such an ordinary life,” I answered. No enchanting experiences that would seduce a reader beyond the first paragraph or even the first sentence. He pressed on.
Tucking an advertisement for a writing course in my devotional got my attention, but I didn’t sign up. I have nothing to write about. Soon after an article about unmasking landed in my inbox, and the gentle nudge evolved into a tug. There was no escaping …
The lights went on, and I was exposed. In the glare, I realized I played it safe my entire life. The struggles, the hurt, and the shame of my past were tucked safely behind my mask. Not that I didn’t get real with people, I just didn’t reveal the bad stuff. The stuff I assumed would cause people to think less of the “perfect” me I tried to portray.
You see we hide. We hide our faults and our failures.
We offer up only our “good side”. Shame and wrong-doing is not what we share. It’s what we shroud.
Oh, and I got good at it. Masquerading for so long, I didn’t even realize I was masking myself to me! But God called my bluff that day …
I know you and I love you, just the way you are, He whispered. With courage only He could muster, I clicked the submit button. And the words staring back at me vanished.
Instantly the world wide web learned I had a teenage pregnancy that was “cured” with an abortion. Oh, and the failure and disgrace of divorce were exposed as well. Not quite so perfect …
So do I have something to write about?
Oh yes, I have plenty to write about! I have failures and regrets. But I also have triumphs and forgiveness.
Even more, I learned that even a mask worn tight against my heart for years…no decades was not capable of keeping me hidden from God. He sees us. He knows us. Fully and completely.
Hiding behind a mask with God is like an umbrella in a hurricane … useless.
God knows and loves everything about us. In other words, we can get real with God even if it takes a while to get real with others. His ‘love without conditions’ sets us free from shame and guilt.
Hiding says, shame and regret have power over us. The truth tells us, God has given us His power to overcome shame and regret.
God is Able to Give Us Freedom from the Past
Ephesians 3:20 reminds us, “Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.”
With a single comment on a blog post, part of my mask was peeled away. Courage and joy stepped in where fear and shame once stood. And it was liberating! Unburdened, I shared my story with others and more peeling and more courage ushered in.
I still wrestle with the idea of writing. My wrestling match has moved on from, write what, to, who will read what I write. Ever faithful, He cleared that up as well.
If you write a thousand articles and reach just one for Me, I will be pleased, He seemed to say.
Are you that “one” I’m writing for? As I share my Journey to Him I hope you draw closer to God and allow yourself to get real with Him. You don’t have to tell the world. Just tell Him. Perhaps we can peel away our masks together, one layer at a time.
Ponder:
Are you in that hiding place today? Please know God doesn’t want you to hide. Indeed, He wants you free to live an abundant life that brings you joy and Him glory. Additionally, His arms are open wide and waiting to comfort you, and wipe away any remnants of shame, loss, and regret.
Perhaps you might leave a comment below and begin taking off your mask today.
Practice:
A Truth – “You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.” Psalm 139:1
A Song – He Knows by Jeremy Camps (click here to listen)
A Read – Life Unstuck by Pat Layton
A Prayer – Lord, thank you for guiding me out from behind my mask. To be fully known, and also fully accepted, is the desire of everyone’s heart. Removing this burden of shame, regret and loss bring freedom, peace, and joy. Please help me take this truth and tuck it away in my heart. Amen.
Here’s where I’m sharing my post.
Freedom from the Past When You Ditch the Mask
Pam, this is a beautiful post and I’m sure many, many other bloggers can relate to the struggle you describe. I certainly can. I absolutely love this message the Lord whispered to you: “If you write a thousand articles and reach just one for Me, I will be pleased.” That encourages me so much!
So glad you were encouraged, Sarah! Keep writing. I’m preaching to myself here as well.
Yes! God simply wants to shine the healing power of His light and love in our darkest spots. Beautifully written Pam. And so full of truth. His truth.
Neighbor at purposeful faith today. Hugs. Susan
Hi, Neighbor! Love Purposeful Faith.
Keep writing and allowing yourself to be vulnerable, Pam. You are obviously being used as an instrument 🙂
Thanks so much for the kind words, Jenn. I am blessed by this.
It’s hard to take off that mask and uncover the hurt and failures. I usually try to keep safe in all my relationship and I don’t like sharing “bad” things. But there can really be no relationship without honesty. And God waits us to be honest, even when it hurts.
Thank you for your valor!
Yep, it’s not easy but the triumph is worth it!
Beautiful Pam, and yes – I hear exactly what you’re saying. As a writer, I am compelled to share my story. I always thought I didn’t have a story, but with that simple thought, God began revealing all the moments of my past and present I needed to share with others. These moments reveal His work in my life, and He wants so much for those experiences to encourage others. Thank you for this important thought, as we continue to share what God has done in our lives:) Blessings! (Visiting from #intentionaltuesdays.)
Hi Kristine. Yes, as He says… He will work out ALL things for our good and His glory!
It’s so hard to be vulnerable but like Brene Brown says being vulnerable is the only way we can truly connect with one another. Thanks so much for linking up 🙂
Yes! Without vulnerability, there is no truth and there is no love.
What an encouraging post! We need this message today. I too had a mask. And once I ripped it off I felt free. It’s hard to admit in the beginning that I am a sinner, but that’s what people need to hear. Just because we’re Christians doesn’t mean we have it all together or that we are perfect. Because we aren’t! We are only made perfect through the blood of Christ.
Thank you for having the courage to rip off your mask, come into the light, and share your story. I’m sure the Lord is using it to help others. Bless you! 🙂
~Haley
Thank you for your kind words, Haley. It wasn’t easy or comfortable, but it was definitely the best decision. And yes, freedom is the gift in return.
I have found so much healing from taking the mask off as I write. I’m not perfect and I’m making progress in realizing that fact. 🙂 Stopping by from #TellHisStory
Yes, I’ve learned there is healing in revealing. Thanks for stopping by. Blessings to you in your journey.
Beautiful friend, keep writing. I love your transparency and honesty. It is inspiring to hear the fears and the shame and the freedom that only God can give us. What a testimony to His grace. Thank you for sharing with us at Sitting Among Friends on Wednesdays. We look forward to seeing you again next week.
Thank you, Jaime! So grateful for the opportunity to share on your linkup.
I immediately thought of Psalm 139 when I read this, then I scrolled and saw you reference it. 🙂 I felt God whisper something similar to me after and through walking through my own hurricane, ‘I’m giving you your story. Don’t run from it.” Like David said, you can’t go anywhere and flee from God and don’t you know He wanted to at times? Only God can meet you anywhere and everywhere. This was good stuff!
My absolute favorite Psalm. It is where I go when I need to know He has it all figured out. I can be fearless. Thanks so much for stopping by!
I agree with Miriam above, sometimes I feel like I have nothing that important to say or that my experience is nothing compared to others and sometime I wonder if anyone reads what I write ( well I know some do… but you don’t always get someone to read your post, even if the stats say that they visited. I loved the bit about reaching one person too… I guess if that is enough for God then it should be enough for me too and I needn’t worry if people click and scroll on by… so long as one person stops and digests and is uplifted or encouraged or feels stronger because of it. Thanks for being real and encouraging us all to be real too.x
Oh my sweet friend. I know exactly how you feel. This was a stretch for me – still is. Just yesterday I was telling God, “I can’t do this”. But you hit the nail on the head – it’s about Him and not about us. I do continually tell myself, “Pam, don’t ever make this about you. Remember that one person He told you about. That’s all you have to do”. That seems to help!! Hang in there. Your words and your story is meant to be shared!
It has been good for me to be vulnerable in my writing, but I can’t say that it gets any easier! We SO want to put on our mask and look perfect! God isn’t interested in “perfect” now because He knows that He will perfect us in the end, and we can’t even imagine now what that will look like!
Ha, so true, Michele. The thought of perfection makes me want to hide behind a mask, for it certainly can’t be true this side of the grave. Thanks for stopping by, my friend!
i love this pam:) it is much more of a story than mine was. but i wrote it that way anyway. i didn’t have a good way to write it as a story this time. blessings this new year:)
Thank you, Martha! Mask wearing is different for everyone so we all have a story. The good thing is in the end He works it all out for our good! Happy 2016!
there’s power in vulnerability and revealing our pain, mistakes, ugly sides. We all have them and when someone like you writes about them, you open up a door for someone to sit down and tell their story! Beautiful post! I have layers of masks I’ve taken off, and a few more to go! But either way, like you said, God knows well what I hide..nudging me along to take off another layer! So glad I visited today, this is the best post I’ve read because of your vulnerability.
Visiting from #TestimonyTuesday tonight.
Thank you for the encouraging and kind words, Kathy! I think we’re all a work in progress and we probably won’t be totally mask free this side of the grave. But, it’s so reassuring to know there are others like us and that He can turn it all into something for our good and His glory.
I love #TestimonyTuesday. I’m going to pop over and check out your site! thanks so much for stopping by.
I loved this, Pam and you and I have a lot in common. Those insecurities can keep us from sharing the power of our stories. But oh, I so profoundly believe there is a great kingdom power unleashed when as women of God are willing to take of those masks and authentically and honestly share our lives with others. It gives them the freedom to do the same.
And much like you, God whispered that power of one message to me too. That if I was faithful to write, He would deliver the words to the needed heart. I go back to that often when those insecurities creep up and I wonder if it matters. It does to the one. So glad that you shared your story with us. Write on, friend!
Thank you for this encouragement, Tiffany. Just yesterday I was slipping into some insecure places thinking, I just can’t do this; it’s too much, Lord. As always, His timing is perfect. So glad you stopped by today. And yes, write on, my friend!
What a beautiful post. Yes, I’ve hidden behind masks too, beacase it feels safer. I can protect my own heart, right? If I just don’t share it, share the ugly, the fears, then no one knows of my imperfections. And no one knows the real me. I’m walled off from true relationship with others.
Rejection by peers as a child is what prompted me to put on a mask at a very young age. IT’s taken a lifetime of living with the fear and coming to a place of dealing with it to really begin to live.
Some of the truths God has been instilling within me are: 1) He loves me (and each of us) perfectly, passionately, and completely. Nothing I do will make Him stop loving me, or love me more. He already loves me completely. 2) I am enough in Christ, faults and all. 3) There are people who are safe. I don’t need to (nor should I) share all of myself with everyone who crosses my path. But, God will put safe people in my life. I need to learn how to be authentic with them. This is where I am now. Risking and sharing, as God leads, and trusting Him to do the work in and through me He wants to do.
LOVED Your post today.
I’m your neighbor over at Holly Barrett’s. 🙂
Sounds like God has helped you through some great growth opportunities with un-masking. I put my mask on at a young age as well. Textbook child-of-divorce symptom. We feel the need to be perfect so the ‘other” parent won’t leave, too. As a young person, you can’t even recognize it for what it is. It’s just the way you are. So grateful He has placed some extremely trustworthy and safe (as you say) people in my life to share with. So appreciate you stopping by and for your kind words about this post! Blessings to you, my friend.
I love this line “If you write a thousand articles and reach just one for Me, I will be pleased” because God also ministered to me something along that line once when I was stressing over pageviews.
It freed me from checking my stats each day because I realized if 1 hurting person reads a post and they feel better and reconnect with God on some level then I will have served His purpose which is the main purpose for the blog.
Thank you for sharing
Ah, great insight. We can get caught up in the ‘success’ of our writing and have to hold tight to our original and true motivation. Thank you for pointing out this potential snare as I am a new blogger! Blessings to you in 2016!
Beautiful post. I too struggle with being vulnerable with the most intimate details, but perhaps you’ve given me a little push in the right direction. I also enjoyed Pat Layton’s Unstuck! Blessings!
Thanks for stopping by, Liz. So glad you enjoyed it. Pat Layton was, probably unknowingly, a huge inspiration for this blog. Merry Christmas!
Wow! Great post. I’ve been writing about hiding behind masks these last couple of weeks as well! I love how God gives us similar messages to share with others.
I couldn’t agree more with you in this line: “Please know God doesn’t want you to hide. He wants you free to live an abundant life that brings you joy and Him glory. “
Hi Judy! Thanks so much for the kind words. I just checked out your site – loved it. Downloaded the two free resources as well. God also has us both talking about waiting I’d say it’s a coincidence, but I think He laughs when we say that. So glad you stopped by. Merry Christmas!
Pam,
My mask was insecurity, and fear of not being good enough. Now I know that whatever I do I do it for God alone and if it helps others it’s a bonus.
Great to read about the freedom you have found in Christ. Free to live. Free to give. Free to share. Unloose the chains and live. Grace, peace and joy for you this Christmas. Thanks for linking to Word of God Speak.
Blessings,
Janis
Thanks for the lovely comments, Janis. I enjoyed Word of God Speak. Blessings to you this Christmas and beyond!
Your courage to be brave and get real encourages the rest of us who are also tired of our masks and longed to be loved for who we are, not who we should be. Thank you for that gift.
So glad you stopped by, Elizabeth,and were encouraged. Wearing a mask can get weary. There is freedom in going bare!!
It’s empowering to hear you be so real which is something that we all need. Thank you for sharing your real life experiences which God has used and will use.
Thank you, my sweet friend. Not always easy, but worth it!
We all tend to hide behind a mask and it is so comforting to know that I am not alone. That I could be myself and that God will love me no matter what. I thank you for starting this blog and encouraging us to open up and know that real people are out there, like you. You are a blessing to me! God bless you!
Thank you so much for sharing. Everyone feels the need to hide at times but in reality that doesn’t do us a whole lot of good. You are an encouragement to me.